You know, as hard as this decision was, I really wouldn't have it any other way. When I was in that room at Abrazo, I cried a little bit before they brought the papers out. I was talking to Pamela and I had asked her why was it so hard if it was the right thing to do. Why would something I knew in my heart was the best be so painful? Then I realized, the pain I felt was the overwhelming love for my son, and that the decision was for the best and was right, and it seemed like that was all I needed to dry up my tears, and I signed those papers with a smile on my face. I guess it's because I know it's right and thats why it puts me at ease. It sounds dumb when I write it, but it's hard to explain. People tell you all the
time, "Everything's going to be just fine." But no one ever really knows that for sure, only this time it was certain. The only time I knew it was really was going to be okay. And that is what puts me at peace. I cry still, almost every night, but it's not sadness or grief, believe it or not, it's of happiness and appreciation. Julie told me while we were at the hospital that I had saved his life. And in a way, yes I did. But to me, they are the ones who saved his life. Sure, he would be alive, but his life would be empty, unfulfilling. The reason being, if I had not been paired with Julie and Jonathan, I would not have placed him. I truly did not want any of those other people to parent my son. I would have ended up keeping him and I would never have been able to give him the life he deserves. Jonathan and Julie can give all the love I can, along with all the care I can't. With them, he is truly safe and loved. He will grow up knowing how much everyone loves him, what a gift he truly is, and he will be happy. And for that, I can not thank them enough. I thank them for giving my son, OUR son, the life he deserves and all the love a mother and a father can give him. I also thank them(and their wonderful families) for making me so much a part of their family as Jack is. I couldn't be happier.
